How to Cook a Three Course Meal in a 2x4 Kitchen in a 8x10 Room With No Utensils

Let's begin by defining "Three Course Meal" very loosely:

Premiere Plat: Baguette and Brie
Deuxieme Plat: Linguine avec Sauce des Legumes
Troisieme Plat: Une Salade avec Vinagrette

Begin by buying the bare minimum ingredients at a the store:

• 1 head of bib lettuce
• 1 baguette
• 1 wheel of brie
• 1 green pepper
• 1 onion
• 3 mushrooms
• 1 bag of linguine
• Olive oil and balsamic
• Salt

1. Bring your groceries back to your apartment and walk up your 9 flights of stairs, enter your apartment and realize you have no utensils.

2. Don't freak out. Find something you can do with your hands. Begin tearing lettuce and washing in the sink.

3. Boil water. Watch the water boil while you think of how to cut your onion, peppers, and mushrooms.

4. Remember that you have an Xacto knife in your water color set.

5. Cut 3 mushrooms and 1/3 of a pepper with an Xacto knife.

5. Take a big swing of 1 euro white wine.

6. Cut half an onion with your Xacto knife.

7. Take a huge bite of baguette and brie.

8. Plop the linguine in the boiling water.

9. Brown the onions, peppers and mushrooms in your skillet.

10. Add plain tomato sauce to the veggies.

11. Strain pasta, dress salad, tear off some more baguette.

12. Enjoy!